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Colleague passed away.

(13 Posts)
Littlehenrylee Wed 20-Dec-17 01:35:08

I don't know where to post this. I feel like a fraud posting in this section because it is full of posts about dear family members. I am writing about a colleague, not even a close colleague who passed away two years ago and she keeps popping into my mind and every time she does, my eyes fill with tears.

We worked together for a couple of years, we were not close but I liked her as a person.This sounds patronising, but in a way, I felt sorry for her. She lived for work and worked so very hard yet got little respect for the long hours she put in. She was stressed and I got the impression she didn't do very much outside of work. She was probably exhausted due to the fourteen hour days she put in. She didn't take breaks or put in for overtime. She just did it to stay on top of her workload. She didn't have a partner or children. She got cancer and she passed away quickly and quietly. She was organised to the end and sold all her belongings and donated the proceeds to where she wanted it to go. For some reason that she did that, makes me well up.

Her death has had a huge impact on me. I have made major changes in my own lifestyle. I often find myself looking at her photo and remembering her and feeling incredibly sad. Not for a lost friendship but sad for her that she didn't seem so happy yet always had a smile for everyone, that she tried to help everyone yet people didn't really help her in return, that she was a bit of a scapegoat for her peers but she tried so hard.

I don't even know why I'm writing about her. I didn't know her personally but felt shock and loss when she passed away.

Is it because I am around her age and our personalities were similar?

I don't know but I so hope she is resting in peace.

AnneLovesGilbert Wed 20-Dec-17 01:43:00

I’m so sorry for the loss of your colleague and I hope she’s resting in peace as well flowers

Rainbowandraindrops67 Wed 20-Dec-17 02:05:02

Yes I think her death has brought your own fears for your life to the fore. It sounds like you fear your life being like hers. And that you fear she was lovely but ultimately not valued by anyone. Do you have a partner, children? Family? Can you try and connect more with them?

HemanOrSheRa Wed 20-Dec-17 02:11:17

Don't feel bad Little. It always hits home when someone of your own age dies. It's ok to feel sad and shaken by it. It makes you think and ponder. Christmas in particular that throws up these feelings. It's ok smile.

Littlehenrylee Wed 20-Dec-17 02:38:38

I am married with children.

Her funeral service was packed with many work colleagues there. I tried to stifle my tears as I didn’t feel I had the right to cry not being close to her.

Since her death, I left that work role as i realised it had played too big a part in my life, mostly negatively. I didn’t stay in touch with any colleagues. I have bad associations with it in general. Sometimes I wish that job had finished differently. I can’t say my colleague’s name without tears and often think of little conversations we had. I have a big fear of dying and leaving my children behind. Perhaps that is the reason I feel so shaken. Her life could so easily have been mine. Yet maybe she was really happy. I don’t think so though and it makes me so sad to think this.

echt Wed 20-Dec-17 06:05:39

First of all, you are not a fraud posting here. It is that the death affects you, not the closeness by kinship that matters. You have been bereaved of an esteemed colleague who led an admirable, if possibly not very happy life. You say her example has helped you make changes, and that, too is admirable.

You have every right to feel sad, not least because aspects of her life resonate with your own. She sounds like a wonderful person, so mourn her loss with a good heart. thanks

SleepFreeZone Wed 20-Dec-17 06:08:44

My ex colleague passed away two years ago and I regularly visit her grave. She was a wonderful woman. I think it's lovely that she obviously meant a lot to you.

Rainbowandraindrops67 Wed 20-Dec-17 08:59:21

I cry at every funeral I go to whether I’ve known the person well or not! Funerals are just sad and bring out emotions

Babyroobs Wed 20-Dec-17 20:28:12

My colleague took his own life almost 2 years ago after being dismissed from work for reasons still unknown to us collegues. He loved his job and didn't have many friends or family outside of work, we were like his family although no-one really knew him that well. I have been thinking about him a lot recently. No-one found out about his death until after the funeral had been held so there was no real closure for anyone. Today I drove by where he used to live and where I used to pick him up for work and just felt unbearably sadness and started wondering how lonely he must have felt that last Christmas ( he died in jan ).
Do you have any other collegues you can talk to about how you feel, you may find others feel the same. can you do something to remember her by, plant a tree or do some kind of fundraising in her memory ?

Littlehenrylee Wed 20-Dec-17 20:58:09

I am sorry to read about your colleague too Baby. Your post made me feel so sad for him and I completely understand why you feel a loss. I think you have put into words how I feel my colleague may have felt. I know she packed up all her personal belongings, sold her house and the thought of her closing the door of her house she worked hard for behind her, knowing she would never return makes me well up.

Of course maybe one of her siblings was there with her. I don’t know. I hope so.

user1497997754 Wed 20-Dec-17 23:24:02

You are a lovely person for composing this post...very thought provoking....take care

speakout Fri 22-Dec-17 20:56:14

I think you show a great compassion in feeling this way.

My father died two weeks before christmas and my husband died 6 days before christmas ( not the same year).

2cats2many Sat 23-Dec-17 08:06:07

I think that one of the hardest parts of life is accepting death. And when someone we know passes away, seemingly with little fuss and with everything 'tidied up' it can bring home more than ever how fleeting and ultimately meaningless our life can seem. This is hard for all feeling people and it's clearly impacted you.

I think it's times like this that can bring up questions about what our life is for, why we are working so hard, what do we want to leave behind. Maybe this is the time for you to start reflecting on this stuff?

As for your colleague, she didn't have children or a husband, but she must have impacted a lot of people because so many came to her funeral. She obviously impacted you.

Take care of yourself. You seem like a lovely, thoughtful person.