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My husband said he would be back at 8pm - AIBU?

(256 Posts)
Abcd12345 Wed 20-Dec-17 00:23:37

As he left for work this morning my husband said he would be back a little later (around 8pm) as he was going for a drink. It's now midnight, i have heard nothing from him and he is still not back nor is he answering texts or calls.

Most times he goes out he does this eventually rolling in drunk after getting the last train. It does my head in! Not so much the coming in much later than he said, more the not answering my calls. As I have no idea if he is okay. He then gets annoyed by me being annoyed.....

So who is BU? He genuinely believes I am but it's him, right? Would love to know what other people think.

SleepingStandingUp Wed 20-Dec-17 00:25:05

Agree with you. Stay out as late as you like but be honest and say - it'll be late, don't wait up etc. Not say 8 and not bother to tell you it'll be later.

falange Wed 20-Dec-17 00:26:27

He is BU. It's not much to ask to check in, let you know when he'll be home, and if he's going to be late. It's just good manners to do so. May I suggest you behave in exactly the same way the next time you go out.

TroubleinDaFamily Wed 20-Dec-17 00:30:50


bretonknickers Wed 20-Dec-17 00:55:03

YANBU, that’s not just a few minutes or even half an hour later - 4 hours+ late is ridiculous.

ShoesHaveSouls Wed 20-Dec-17 00:56:13

He's BU of course.

My DH did this when I was pregnant with my first, and during his babyhood. We very nearly split up over it. He doesn't do it anymore, hasn't for years (first baby is now 15) bbut I can't quite tell you why, I don't think anything I said made any difference.

I did, a couple of times, take baby to my mums and stay far far longer than I said - and wasn't there when he got back from work, and no dinner on the table for him. He moaned - I said 'oooh, doesn't like a taste of his own medicine then". Maybe that did it? I don't know.

BulletFox Wed 20-Dec-17 00:57:50

He should just send you a quick text to say he'd get in later

Yermawpunts Wed 20-Dec-17 01:01:14

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ShoesHaveSouls Wed 20-Dec-17 01:01:22

I also have a friend whose dh kept doing this.

The first time he did it, she was so worried he's been in an accident, she was massively upset with him when he did return.

The second time he did it, she said to herself - well this time it must actually be an accident - because surely he wouldn't do this again after what I said last time?

When he rolled in, she said "if you ever do that to me again - We will not be here when you get back". She would have followed through as well, she said she would've taken the baby to her mums. You have to mean it.

He never did it again.

TheDowagerCuntess Wed 20-Dec-17 01:01:42

Why don't you go round to a friend's one evening, saying your going out for drinks (with a group of friends), and then give him a taste of his own medicine.

I don't normally advocate game playing - healthy, mutually respectful relationships operate without it. But needs must, in this instance...

cloudchasing Wed 20-Dec-17 01:02:31

I agree, I don't mind anyone going out whenever they want tbh. We're all adults. It's the fucking you about and making you stress that annoys me. I don't have one of these anymore, and I'm so glad.

Butterymuffin Wed 20-Dec-17 01:06:37

Agree with the taste of his own medicine posts. Plus I'd go and bolt the front door shut so he has to ring and grovel to get in. Or not if you switch your phone off.

JanetStWalker Wed 20-Dec-17 01:09:20

This peculiarly male type of bollockery is the one thing that makes me so grateful to be single.

Of course YANBU OP. If funds allowed I'd be tempted to check into a hotel so that you weren't there at home waiting for him when he rolls in. I'm a petty cunt though so probably not the best advice.

Sealsarewaterdogs Wed 20-Dec-17 01:16:04

Don't nag him, stress him or make him feel guilty for going out. Just tell him that you support his after work drinks, you just need the reassurance texts (as phone calls are embarrassing/harassing in front of colleagues). If he's going to be out later, just give you a heads up through text and be happy/non grumpy if he's back late.

bigsexywalker Wed 20-Dec-17 01:17:42

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LineyRunner Wed 20-Dec-17 01:18:36

Well he's pissed, isn't he. Leave him to it.

He's a tosser to not text you to tell you, though.

ShoesHaveSouls Wed 20-Dec-17 01:22:34

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Yermawpunts Wed 20-Dec-17 01:26:58

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AReindeerNamedDave Wed 20-Dec-17 01:27:06

This makes me rage. It's really not hard to send a text. YANBU.

ShoesHaveSouls Wed 20-Dec-17 01:29:10

Yermawpants - I aint your bruv, bruv.

^See - I can do it too.

bigsexywalker Wed 20-Dec-17 01:30:58

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Yermawpunts Wed 20-Dec-17 01:31:24

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BulletFox Wed 20-Dec-17 01:32:05

Do we all need walker pumas?

BulletFox Wed 20-Dec-17 01:32:50

Maw punts...?

NoMudNoLotus Wed 20-Dec-17 01:33:05

@ShoesHaveSouls 😂